Paul Monckton

Rory is a winner in the dating game and tonight he's training at altitude. Spying his prey, he approaches. "Hi," he smiles, Zaurus in hand. "I'm Rory. I'm a Linux user."

Don't try this at home. Rory's cool enough to pull using the Linux handicap system; you and I are not.

I recently had a bad idea. Now, it's not unusual to have a collection of MP3s, especially in something cool like an iPod. I confess that mine reside on a server on my home network. One day you'll all have one - it's compulsory, according to Microsoft, Intel and others.

All I want is to be able to play my MP3s wirelessly around the house. And while this announcement is enough to get many of the above manufacturers of 'stuff' rather excited, I'll calm them down immediately by saying I don't want to buy anything new to achieve this.

I could buy something that's almost what I want, plug it in and gasp as it almost fulfils my requirements in a rubbish way that doesn't quite work with all my other equipment, leaving me paddling in a shallow, tepid pool of disappointment, splashing my feet and trying to convince myself I'm having fun.

Still, my half-baked solution would now be in place. I'd be free to move on, go outside and get on with life. I suppose that's what most sane people would do, but this is a project that sits precariously on that wall between normality and geekdom, and I can already feel myself leaning over for that inevitable great fall.

My choices? Buy Windows XP, upgrade the hardware, listen to some music and then spend the evening out with my friends; or, install Linux, leave the hardware just as it is thank you very much and save some money.

My hardware? An old laptop with a Wi-Fi adaptor and an external USB soundcard, functional but of a specification modest enough to ensure that Windows XP would be hell. Anyway, I just want to listen to some MP3s - why should I buy something as complex and expensive as XP for that?

Entering the world of Linux should be a liberating experience. Having been trapped for years in a loveless, forced marriage to Windows, I found the thought of returning to Linux left me feeling positive, energised and with younger-looking skin.

Sadly, it turned out not to be quite the kind of freedom I had hoped for. Despite all my years of experience, I was unprepared for operating under the Linux handicap system. Here, the old rule that you don't get something for nothing still holds true.

Many late nights spent trying to get every piece of the jigsaw slotted in at once will attest to this. I tried one Linux distribution after another. This was no speed-dating event. A couple of hours spent with each found ever-changing incompatibilities: Wi-Fi not working, no support for my Extigy soundcard.

Finally, I found an answer. Xandros, a Linux distribution designed for people familiar with Windows, practically installed itself and everything just worked! I didn't have to configure anything.

But Xandros isn't free. All the hard work making it 'just work' comes at a cost, albeit rather less than that of Windows XP.

The adage is still true. You can pay for your stuff and buy your freedom or you can get it for free and pay for it with your life, or at least your love-life.

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